Be Here Now

The other day I had the privilege of joining up with some of
the Hope 4 Kids team heading out to Sigulu
Island.  It’s a long drive to get to the boat and a
long boat ride to get to the island and then a long walk to get to the
church.  I loved it.  It’s a pretty untouched place… simple and
filled with breathtaking beauty. 

With all the travels out to the island I had a lot of
‘thinking’ time, I turned my Ipod on and picked through some of my favorite
songs as I watched Africa pass by.  It was one of those surreal moments.  We were driving down roads that for the most
part I have traveled many many times, from Torroro to Busia, my old
neighborhood.  But it all seemed
different.  I was listening to a mess of
sappy love songs and a lot of Mason Jennings, but the ‘love’ that kept coming
to mind as the words played on was Africa. 
Mason Jennings ‘Be Here Now’ came on and I probably listened to it about
7 times in a row before moving onto anything else.  You know those moments when a song sings
everything that you are thinking? Well that was happening but I was still
thinking when the song ended so I had to just keep playing it again. 

The song says this:

“Be here now”

Like I was saying before, I was looking out and SEEING Africa.  It was
right there.  It wont always be right out
side of my car window.  In just 2 weeks
time I wont be able to see it there. 
There was so much to see that I decided to focus in and notice all of
the trees.  The trees here are
incredible.  Huge, Crooked, Old,
Wonderful Trees. I was wishing there was time to stop and climb each one, to
sit in the shade that it was offering to everyone passing by.  Trees are just so hospitable in that way… so
inviting.  I wanted to take time to
accept each invitation, but instead was able to catch a glimps of their beauty.

“No other place to be

Oh just sit there dreaming of how life could be

If we were somewhere better,

somewhere far,

away from all our worries,

well here we are”

I remember the planning process of coming here.  The talking and the dreaming of what it would
be like to be in Africa.  “Well here we are”.  I have been blessed beyond blessed to spend
this time here. The last few weeks have been hard because knowing I am coming
home so soon makes it hard to not start thinking about and preparing for the
next thing… but again… Be here now. I don’t think that there could be a better
place, no matter how far I went.

“You are the love of my life”

The thought of leaving is nothing short of heartbreaking. I
was thinking about the people I have met here, the things I have seen… I have
been going around through out this time in Africa
passing out these pieces of my heart. 
Paying for each moment, some more costly than others, but all taking
their share… a piece left with Magdalina and Rail, a piece with Paul and his
family, a piece with Jared and one with Judy and Steve, each one of the New
Hope girls hold a part and Momma Tom, each baby that I held in my arms and each
child that sat on my lap, each widow that we spent time visiting, each long drive,
each sunset, each long walk down the dirt roads… and on and on.  It all cost something… a cost I am willing to
pay.  The moment ends and my heart stays
there with them.  I had a terrifying
moment thinking about going home… how will I go on if I am leaving all of my
heart here?  I could picture myself
finally back in my room at home, sitting down in the middle of the floor (I
love sitting on the floor… I prefer it over a chair most the time and I am
looking forward to sitting on a floor with CARPET… amen) but I couldn’t imagine
myself able to leave that spot, how can I take one more step with such a broken
heart?  The other day I almost became
afraid of meeting anyone else new… afraid of the heart ache it would cause to
fall in love with even one more person, to give even one more piece of my heart
away, and then quickly say goodbye.  I
cant help but feel like I am running out of pieces. I thought this and then
went outside to play with some kids and decided that they could have the last
pieces if they wanted it… it was worth it for a few more precious moments with
them. 

“Be here now

No other place to be

All the doubts that linger just set them free,

and let good things happen

and let the future come, into each moment like a rising sun”

I have a lot of questions about what the future is
holding.  I wish there was a way to look
ahead and to know if this is a ‘goodbye’ or just a ‘see you soon’.  The future is on its way.  Soon I will be back in America.  Soon I will be living again on a houseboat
and spending my days in a little fishing boat called ‘Skiffy II’ (still don’t
know what happened to the first one…) Soon the summer will end and God will
take me to the next place.  I just found
out that what I had planned on doing next is no longer an option… What now? Today
I am in Africa.  Thank God that today I am in Africa.

“You are the love of my life

You are the love of my life

Ya you know you are”

I don’t want to leave. 
I don’t want to leave.  Africa is my love. Africa
has completely stolen my heart… In the bus, ‘accidentally’ missing my flight
seemed like an idea absolutely worth considering.  If I didn’t have such a short time before
leaving again I might not have ruled it out to be honest.  Even right now as I write this it doesn’t
seem like a bad idea.  I love it here and
just wish that I could spend time seeing and living more.  I don’t want to leave.

“The sun comes up and we start again

The sun comes up and we start again”

Time.  Time feels like
it is completely against me… slowly leading me towards leaving.  I am trying to slow it down… I don’t even
like hanging out in the house we are staying in at True Vine… I have to be out
side… out in Africa. SLOW DOWN. slow down.
please. Please don’t make me leave yet.

“Its all new today,

all we have to say, is be here now”

14 days.  Each one
filled with something new.  14 more
wonderful days.  14 more days that I get
to be here.

“Be here now

No other place to be

This whole world keeps changing

Come change with me”

Sometimes I feel like I just get settled into where I am in
life and then its time to go.  Always
changing always moving forward.  I have
changed a lot on this trip.  Recently I
have tried to really take a look at who I am. 
Thinking about where I want to grow, what I like and don’t like, what I
am passionate about, who I want to become. 
It feels like it is all changing so fast I cant keep up.  I have had the pleasure of walking this out
with a team, we have changed a lot together… I move back to an old community
then on to a new one shortly after that when I get home.  I have been really learning about trusting
God and looking to him to be my constant. 
He is always there… always walking with me in those changes… he knows me
even when I am unsure of it myself. 

“Everything that happens, all that’s yet to come

Is inside this moment it’s the only one”

I have been looking at the life of Joseph… he had a lot of
ups and downs but he never gave up, he was always present and available to be
used by God not matter what moment he was in. 
God was with him in each up and each down and God used each one to bring
about a plan much bigger than what Joseph could see.  There is a lot that is ‘yet to come’… I am 22
and really just beginning.  These moments
are the moments that God has me in now. 
These moments are the moments that he is using to lead me to what is
‘yet to come’. 

“You are the love of my life

Ya you know you are”

There was a park that I used to go to when I was a kid… Dragon Park.  It was kinda far away so every once in a
while my mom and a couple of her sisters would take me and my cousins there…
we would go all afternoon.  It was closed
in with a gate so my mom and aunts would set up somewhere and we would get to
just GO.  I remember that park felt so
big.  I wouldn’t use the path… me and my
cousins would climb through bushes and find whole new sections of the park and
get lost.  I remember sitting on top of
this cement thing (I still don’t know what it was) and looking out on the
park.  Trees everywhere.  Places to explore.  The feeling of walking and coming across huge
dragon slides.  I would think about
hiding so that I wouldn’t have to leave. 
I love Africa like I loved the Dragon Park
when I was a kid.  I went back to the
park for Gavin’s birthday party sometime back. 
Turns out its not that far away, and its not all that big or hard to get
around.  It was still very special to me…
but it was accessible.  Africa
may be ‘far away’ to some… but to me it is not… it has become accessible.  I will be back… I have to be back.

“The sun comes up and we start again

The sun comes up and we start again”

I don’t know where I am going.  But I know what I am doing today. I am living
this day.

“Its all new today, all we have to say is be here now”