Music and Memories

Music is powerful.  It’s amazing how it has the ability to bring
you back to a place or a memory in such a tangible way.  I have my IPod here with me in Africa but
electricity is scarce and so I hadn’t been using it much until recently.  I have been all about just putting it on
shuffle and listening to anything that pops up to get me out of listening to
just my favorite four artists or something, and each time a song comes on I am
back in moment.  Back on the rowing team
listening to Mason Jennings with girls that have forever changed my life, back
to dancing around the kitchen with Dad, back to road trips to Supai, back to
sitting in the back seat of the van in Mexico coming home from the beach, back
to listening to Jack Johnson with Emily talking about all the adventures we
dream of living out one day.  Back. 

            Part of me
loves jumping back into those moments but at the same time it’s hard.  It’s hard to accept that certain seasons of
life have come and gone, and certain people have come and gone leaving just a
memory.  Things go so fast. It makes it
hard to know the balance of remembering and living now and looking forward to
what God has ahead.  As i listened part of me just
wished I could jump back… I don’t want to forget things I have experienced and
even now it’s hard for me to remember the details of living in Seattle or of my
summer travels though Europe or the average rowing practice or sitting in Mr.
Whitmore’s class with Joanie.  I remember
thinking during goodbyes in Uganda that as soon as I met people in Kenya I
wouldn’t be able to imagine going through life not ever knowing them. That has
been so true and I know that the future is full of people that as soon as I
meet them I couldn’t imagine not having them in my life but I also know that
there are a lot more goodbyes ahead and a lot more seasons to come and go
through. 

            My time in
Africa is down to about seven weeks.  How
has it gone so fast? I am not ready for what is ahead but I don’t want to miss
out on the precious time I have left here preparing for what is next. School,
no school? If school which one? If not where? I am going back to camp again as
the Barnabas Coordinator and I need to be prepared long before I leave here for
each and every bible study I will be leading during Tuesday night group floats
and what I will be sharing with the staff during our one on one times.  I am learning so much here- how do I pick
what to pass on during those moments?

            Sometimes
when I close my eyes to worship I see myself in this field with this one big beautiful
tree and this simple bench. I don’t know how to explain it exactly but I am there
with Jesus.  Sometimes I am walking with
him down the path and I am just a little girl and he is holding my hand,
sometimes I am there waiting for him, sometimes I am dancing, sometime I see
myself just sitting on the bench listening to him but whether I see him or not
he is there with me.  The other day we
were up in the office worshiping and I was just struggling with feeling
overwhelmed with what I am in and experiencing and what I am headed into.  I could hardly even sing.  It was dark already but I closed my
eyes.  There I was… sitting under the
tree with my back leaned up against it. 
For some reason it seemed empty there and it made me sad.  I thought “God you are always here with me,
why not now? “

Then this song came on: Only You by The David Crowder Band:

Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it up to You who’s throned
And I will worship You, Lord

Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything
And It’s just you and me here now

When it’s only You

Only you and me here now
You should see the view
When it’s only You

 

I think that from now on that song will always serve to me as a reminder of a time in my life when Jesus showed up.  I was listening to it and was just overwhelmed with Gods presence.  He is here with me in Africa.  He is here. I know that in the midst of all the seasons I come and go through, all the people I meet and have to say goodbye to, God is constant.  He is here.